Antifreeze

SeattleAntiFreeze: The real picture

By Monique Ming Laven, KIRO 7 News

Stephanie Jarstad Photography

By Monique Ming Laven, KIRO 7 News
Local photographer seeks key to happy marriage and goes straight to the source.
"Baby, we found love right where we are."
Ed Sheeran croons from an iPhone as Tess and Ray Johnson dance just feet away. Actually, it's more swaying than dancing; that's as much as Tess's bad back will allow.

SEATTLE — Fifty-four years of shared footwork has gotten them where they are now -- also sharing a song and aches and pains. And memories. Photographer Stephanie Jarstad is capturing this new one, her Canon clicking with every lean of their hips.

"Our younger generation faces a lack of confidence in marriage," the 28 year-old says between snaps. She wants to rediscover some hope. So she started a project called "To Grow Old With You."
"I really wanted to hear from seasoned couples, to find out what it takes to have a strong and lasting relationship."

The pictures capture some of the clues: Tess's hand on Ray's knee, laughter about a fight involving thrown eggs, smiles over Ray's 58-year career. But it's between the pictures that Stephanie gets her greatest lesson.

She asks questions about the keys to happiness and marriage and love. And sometimes Ray gives her long answers about something else completely: the 6 miles he had to bike to work; the supermarkets he wired as an electrician; the long string of children Tess baby-sat through the years.
Then Tess explains. In all their time together, the last four have been the toughest. "The hardest thing I've had to face is Ray's problem."

This is what a real marriage looks like. Not riding into the sunset. Tougher. And better. Thanks to Stephanie Jarstad Photography for sharing her amazing "To Grow Old with You" project with us, and thanks to the Johnsons for sharing a bit of their lives with us. #SeattleAntifreeze What's the key to your loving relationship? To see Stephanie's project and send in nominations, go to stephaniejarstad.com

Posted by Monique Ming Laven on Friday, March 11, 2016

His problem is Alzheimer's. He remembers all the good years, but not the recent minutes.

Tess and Ray grew up in England during World War II, with bomb raids as childhood memories. They went through the long process of immigrating to the U.S. They raised their two children and more grandchildren. Ray finally left work behind after 58 long and honest years. Months later he was diagnosed. This isn't the retirement they planned. But it's the commitment they made. 
"Sometimes I just have to cry," Tess says. "Because if you don't, you'll explode. Cry so hard that my back aches from crying." Then she looks at Ray, and puts her hand on his knee again. "But then you pull your boot straps on and carry on, you know. What else can you do?"
Ray's gentle face breaks into another laugh. It's his sweet default when he can't hear or can't understand. It is both a symptom of what he's lost and a sign of what remains at his very core.
"He's still a good guy, he's still a loving guy," Tess says with another smile.

Click. Stephanie has the real picture.

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STEPHANIE IS TAKING NOMINATIONS FOR MORE COUPLES TO INCLUDE IN HER PROJECT. You can contact her at studio@stephaniejarstad.com
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After the Aurora Bridge crash, people in our area jumped into action, donating hotel rooms, blood, prayers, challenging Seattleites' reputation for being chilly (the "Seattle Freeze"). It inspired me to pass along stories of when we see people in the community coming together, or what I call #SeattleAntifreeze. If you know a story that should be told, let me know. mminglaven@kirotv.com
To read more stories, click on #SeattleAntifreeze.

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