’Don’t call 911’: Oregon police department tells public not to call over toilet paper shortage

NEWPORT, Ore. — The message from an Oregon police department is clear: Don’t clog up 911 if you are running low on toilet paper.

Granted, the recent panic buying of paper goods nationwide has drained the supply of toilet paper. But the Newport Police Department said a shortage of the bath tissue does not constitute an emergency.

“Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper,” the Newport Police Department said Sunday in a Facebook post. “You will survive without our assistance.”

The police offered some alternatives and tips for people that are trying to wipe away their fears.

For instance, “seamen used rope and anchor lines soaked in saltwater,” while the ancient Romans used a sea sponge, police wrote on Facebook. The post also said the Mayans and colonial Americans relied on corn cobs, while American farmers relied on pages from the Farmers Almanac.

The police also injected some humor, noting that the Sears Christmas catalog could keep a family clean from “December through Valentine’s Day; or St. Patrick’s Day if they were frugal.”

The Newport police advised patience and calm.

“Be patient. There is a TP shortage,” they wrote. “This too shall pass."

Cox Media Group